Passion & Ponies

Page 47

I smile right back at her. “You looked wonderful out there. Nobody puts Ava in a corner.”

We hear a groan and turn to see Drew and Jenny standing arm-in-arm.

“Did you two vaginas just quote Dirty Dancing?” Drew asks.

“Drew? What the f**k are you doing here?” Carter asks. “I thought you said you had a meeting today and couldn’t get together with us.”

“And what the mother of f**ks are you wearing?” Jim questions, looking him up and down.

“You didn’t tell me you guys were coming to BronyCon, you just said you were doing something to surprise Tyler,” Drew explains. “And I’ll have you know, this pony costume is one-hundred-percent fleece and the tail is made from genuine unicorn hair.”

We all stare at Drew’s pink, plush horse costume, complete with a giant stuffed horse head that he’s currently carrying under his arm.

“My balls are sweating like a motherfucker in this thing, but it’s totally worth it,” he tells us with a smile.

“And the best part is, Drew hasn’t been cheating on me!” Jenny announces with glee.

Drew sighs and takes a step forward. “I can’t live with the shame and the guilt anymore, guys. I’m tired of lying by omission and not living my life the way I was meant to live it. Everyone, today I am officially coming out as a Brony.”

A few passers-by stop when they hear Drew’s announcement and start clapping and cheering for him.

“Shit! That’s where I recognized the glitter from on your hand that day at work,” I say suddenly. “That’s the glitter we use at Brony meetings when we do the handshake. You’ve been secretly going to Brony meetings!”

Gavin leans in closer to me. “Dude, I thought you said there wasn’t a handshake?”

I scoff at him. “Like I was going to admit all the Brony secrets to you. It’s against the code, man.”

My mom lets go of my dad’s hand and walks up to Drew, staring at him for a few minutes. Drew stares right back, squinting like he’s trying to get a better look at her.

“Don’t I know you from somewhere?” Drew finally asks.

My mom nods. “You look familiar too, but I just can’t place it.”

I look back and forth between them, wondering what the hell is going on.

“Have you ever worked at the strip club Jennie’s Juggs?” Drew asks.

My mom shakes her head. “Nope.”

Drew brings one of his horse hoof hands up to his face and scratches his cheek. “What about Starbutts? They used to have this great show with two chicks and a couple of ping-pong balls. You sort of look like one of them.”

My mom shakes her head again.

Drew eyes suddenly go wide and he lifts his hoof up in the air. “I REMEMBER! Aren’t you the chick I had that foursome with in college? You’re name’s Debbie or Dinda or something, right?”

“Oh, my God,” Gavin mutters next to me.

I’m still trying to figure out what the f**k is going on right now when I feel Ava squeeze my hand.

“Donna, my name is Donna,” my mom tells him with a smile.

“That’s it! Donna! Well, shit, it’s good to see you again,” he tells her before turning to Carter. “Dude, this was the chick I banged the night you met Claire, remember?”

“I thought you passed out in the bathtub the night we met?” Claire asks.

Drew and my mom laugh and the sound makes a little bit of vomit come up in my throat.

“I totally passed out in the tub, but that was after the foursome. Actually, now that I think about it, weren’t you in the tub with me?” Drew asks my mom.

She laughs again and nods. “I was. I woke up the next morning curled up in that thing alone wondering what the hell had happened.”

“Oh, holy f**k,” Ava whispers.

No. No, no, no. This is not happening. This is NOT f**king happening!

Drew shakes his head in regret. “Damn. I didn’t even realize I left you in there. I got up to take a piss and couldn’t stop laughing about the fact that I still had the condom on, stuck to my penis.”

I let out the breath I’ve been holding and send a prayer up to heaven.

“Too bad that f**ker was totally broke and hanging in pieces around my junk,” Drew continues. “Good thing nothing bad ever came from that, huh?”

Drew and my mom keep right on laughing, not even realizing that everyone is staring at them and I’m about ready to lose my shit all over this place.

Claire steps forward and looks back and forth between Drew and I. Her eyes widen and she does it again. Back and forth and back and forth until I want to run screaming out of this place.

“Oh, sweet Christ,” she finally mutters.

My mom finally stops laughing and mimics Claire, looking between Drew and me.

“Oh. Oh, my,” she whispers.

Drew puts his hoof hands on his hips and glares at the two of them.

“Well, you wanted to come to BronyCon and find your dad,” Ava tells me. “Congratulations, sweetie.”

I bend at the waist and rest my hands on my knees, taking in as many deep breaths as I can without passing out.

Drew huffs. “What? I don’t get it.”

Epilogue - Ava

Three months later…

“Are you sure you’re using enough lube? I don’t think you’re using enough.”

“Shut up, I totally know what I’m doing, I watched a couple of YouTube videos.”

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