Love and Lists

Page 41

We’ve spent almost every day together and it’s pretty obvious at this point that I’m not ready to talk about the whole “love” thing.

“So, don’t you think we should talk about what happened at my place the other night?” Gavin asked.

“My ovaries feel like their being ripped out of my body right now, and I’m losing so much blood it could kill a horse, and you want to talk?!” I shouted in panic.

“I just … I think my phone’s ringing. At work. I’m going to get in my car and drive to work to answer my phone. The phone. At work,” Gavin mumbled before turning and racing out of my house.”

It’s killing me not telling him I love him. But I have to figure out a way to get rid of my pretend g*y boyfriend and still keep him as my friend without Gavin knowing what I’ve done. Piece of cake.


“When later?”

“Just, later, alright?”

“But when? Isn’t it time yet?”

“Jesus Christ, Drew, will you stop asking if it’s time to go yet? We’ll go when the pumpkins are finished being carved,” Uncle Carter complains as I walk into Aunt Claire and Uncle Carter’s kitchen.

Uncle Drew grumbles and flops down in one of the kitchen chairs.

Every year, we all go to a Halloween Walk in the Woods that the local Metro Park puts on. Uncle Carter always volunteers to carve a few pumpkins for their displays, and each year he tries to one-up the other volunteers on the level of pumpkin carving difficulty. This year, I think he’s taken it to a whole new level.

“Sweetie, you should know by now to never tell Drew we’re going somewhere. You just throw him in the car when it’s time to leave,” Aunt Claire reminds him as she comes into the kitchen. “Hey, Charlotte! Cute costume.”

I look down at my knee high white socks, black four-inch Mary Jane’s, short plaid skirt, and white button-down tied under my boobs, and I have to say, I’m pretty proud of myself. Rocco brought the outfit over earlier and helped me get dressed and even put my hair into pigtails.

“Where’s Gavin?” I ask as I take in the scene in front of me. There are pumpkin guts everywhere, and Uncle Carter is so deep in concentration on carving the pumpkin in front of him that he doesn’t even notice Uncle Drew has carved an extra piece of pumpkin into the shape of a penis and is currently pinning it to the back of Uncle Carter’s pumpkin.

“Jenny’s with him in the bathroom helping him finish up his costume. Oh my God, Carter. Who’s going to get the pumpkin guts off of the ceiling?” Aunt Claire asks as she stares above the table.

“Don’t worry, I’ll scrape them off. It’s my fault. The electric drill had a mind of its own,” Uncle Carter replies as he starts gathering up all of the newspapers from the table with piles of guts on them.

“Is there any particular reason why you thought power tools were necessary when carving pumpkins? Our kitchen looks like Home Depot covered in shit right now,” Aunt Claire complains as she looks around the room and sees a drill, a sander, an electric nail gun, a circular saw, and a soldering iron, along with enough extension cords to plug something in all the way to China. “Oh my God, there’s pumpkin on the curtains.”

“What’s up, bitches and hos?!” Tyler shouts as he walks into the kitchen with a five-year-old little boy in tow.

“Yay, Tyler’s here,” Uncle Carter deadpans.

“Who’s the kid?” Uncle Drew nods in the little boy’s direction.

“This is my little cousin, Josh. Josh, say hi to everyone,” Tyler tells him.

“This is stupid. I hate costumes,” Josh complains as he tugs on the neck of his Batman cape.

“Tyler, your cousin’s a dick, dude,” Uncle Drew replies.

“I know. But my aunt and uncle are out of town and I got stuck babysitting him so-OWWW! SON OF A BITCH!” Tyler screams as Josh kicks him in the shin.

“You’re a dick,” Josh tells him.

“Never mind,” Uncle Drew says. “Your cousin is awesome.”

Gavin walks into the kitchen then and we both stare at each other with wide eyes. Word hasn’t seemed to have spread through the family yet that we’re sort of together so for right now, we decided to just try and act normal when we’re with everyone. That’s going to be impossible with the costume he’s wearing right now and the way he’s staring at mine.

“Is everyone ready to go? We should probably leave soon so we can get a good parking space,” Gavin finally says, tearing his gaze away from me.

“Dude, what the f**k are you wearing?” Uncle Drew asks, getting up from his chair and walking over to Gavin.

“What?” Gavin asks in confusion, looking down at his costume and then back up at Uncle Drew.

“Seriously, that’s what you’re wearing? That’s embarrassing.”

“What’s wrong with what he’s wearing? He’s a cowboy and I think he looks very handsome,” Aunt Claire replies.

“He looks like that homo from Brokeback Mountain. I JUST CAN’T QUIT YOU! That movie was like ten years ago, Muppet f**ker,” Uncle Drew says with disappointment.

Gavin is wearing a barn coat with sheepskin lining over a button-down blue jean shirt, dark jeans, and cowboy boots. On his head is a black cowboy hat.

I want to shove him to the floor and f**k his brains out. Jesus, he looks good enough to eat.

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