That night the farmer and his wife turned on the TV and saw the interview with the little girl who rode a flying carpet.
"If anybody finds my cat," the little girl (it was Gooney Bird) said, "please call the TV station."
So Mr. Henry Schinhofen, the farmer, called.
"I have that cat here in my barn," he said. "Orange and white cat, no tail.
"But I gotta tell you," he said, "I don't think you'll be able to take it away. It won't leave my cow."
"Won't leave your cow?" the TV lady said. She sounded puzzled.
"Nope," said the farmer. "Wouldn't even leave for tuna fish. We had to take the tuna fish and put it right beside the cow."
"Happens sometimes," the farmer explained. "I'd guess you'd call it something like love. That cat is downright consumed by the cow."
"And is the cow consumed by the cat?" the TV lady asked.
"Nope. The cow doesn't care one way or another. But she doesn't step on the cat. She's a careful cow."
The TV people called Gooney Bird and her parents. They told them where Catman was, and that Catman was consumed by a cow.
So the Greene family drove their car back to the meadow and visited Catman. Catman was nice to them, but they could tell that he was not consumed by the Greene family. He was consumed only by the cow.
So they kissed him goodbye. Then they hugged and kissed the farmer and his wife, and they all sang "Farmer in the Dell" and danced in a circle, on their tiptoes. They all lived happily ever after.
"I love happy endings," Keiko said with a sigh.
"Me too," Mrs. Pidgeon said. "Thank you, Gooney Bird. Let's get out our arithmetic books now, class."
Everyone in the class groaned.
"I know," Mrs. Pidgeon said, laughing. "It's much more fun to listen to Gooney Bird's stories. But we can look forward to tomorrow. She'll have another one tomorrow."
Gooney Bird had gone back to her desk and taken out her arithmetic book. She looked up in surprise. "No, actually I won't," she said. "That was my last story."
The second-graders, almost every one of them, called, "No!" in very loud, sad voices. It sounded like a huge chorus singing a song called "Noooooo!"
Mrs. Pidgeon looked horrified. "But, Gooney Bird!" she said. "We still have a lot of unanswered questions!"
"Like what?" asked Gooney Bird.
"Well, let me think." Mrs. Pidgeon frowned.
"The false teeth!" Nicholas called.
"Yes," Mrs. Pidgeon said. "Why did your father have to pack forty-three sets of false teeth? That's a story you haven't told yet."
Gooney Bird looked surprised. "That's not a story," she said. "That simply requires a dictionary. You have one right there on your desk, Mrs. Pidgeon."
Mrs. Pidgeon reached for her dictionary.
"Look up this word," Gooney Bird said. She pronounced the word very carefully. "Prosthodontist."
"My goodness!" Mrs. Pidgeon read the definition. "It's a special kind of dentist. He makes false teeth!"
"Exactly," Gooney Bird said. "That's what my father is. No story there."
"But we want more stories, Gooney Bird!" Barry Tuckerman said in a loud voice. As usual, he was standing up with one knee on his desk chair.
Gooney Bird sighed impatiently. "I need to do my arithmetic," she said. "I'm not very good at subtraction yet. But all right. Sit down, Barry. Close the dictionary, Mrs. Pidgeon. I will tell you how to get stories."
Gooney Bird looked around the classroom. She slid the strap of her cowhide purse from her shoulder and set the purse on the floor below the terrarium table. With her face scrunched into a quiet, thinking expression, she unbuttoned her orange fur jacket and hung it on the back of the chair by her desk. Then she returned to the front of the room and faced the class.
She was wearing a blue plaid skirt, a white blouse, black tights, and brown lace-up shoes. There were bright blue hair ribbons in her neatly brushed red hair. She looked ordinary. She looked dignified. She looked wise.
"Out there, invisible, are a lot of stories not yet told," Gooney Bird told the class.
"Absolutely true ones?" Beanie asked in a small voice.
"Yes. Absolutely true ones."
"What are they?" asked Beanie.
"Do you remember that my first story was called 'How
Gooney Bird Got Her Name'?" Gooney Bird asked.
"Yes," Beanie replied.
"Well, another is called 'How Beanie Got Her Name.'"
"Before I was born," Beanie said, laughing, "there was a thing called an ultrasound that showed me curled up inside my mom? And I looked just like a bean! My mom said lima bean, and my daddy said no, jelly bean, and so—"
"That's a fine story beginning," Gooney Bird said. "An absolutely true one. You should tell that one on Friday, Beanie."